Monday, August 22, 2011

You think you’ve seen it all in Cameroon until you’re on the way to the bank on the back of a moto and a grown man is completely naked walking down the middle of the street in the rain. C’est la vie ici. (That is life here)

Rewind. As you can tell from the French knowledge bomb I just dropped, I made my language level. Somehow, they consider me an Intermediate High French speaker. I won’t argue ;). Another great thing about Peace Corps is that they will pay up to 15,000 CEFA a month for me to continue getting tutored in French, which I am gladly going to pursue. I’m conversational in French, but I have a long way to go. I’m sure my student-teachers will let me know that next month when classes begin.

So I’ve become an official Peace Corps Volunteer. You think after you jump through all the hoops and examinations of the application process you’re in right? Wrong, you’re just a peon until you survive training. Well my friends, I did it. Questioned myself a lot along the way, but glad I stuck it out. [Insert cheesy cliché about adversity in life.] 

After the ceremony we had a lunch with our host families. They got certificates of appreciation for hosting us dirty Americans. In a truly Gary Miller-esque moment, we didn’t have a bottle opener at our table for the beer. So what does host dad Mefire do? Puts the cap on the side of a table and slams his hand down so the lip pops off. It sounded like a gunshot and most people turned in our direction. I felt like you would have done the exact same thing big guy J.

I went back to house with my host family (Mefire and Landry) and hung out with them until Mefire fell asleep on the couch. I ate my first few pieces of sugar cane. Delicious. It’s funny, the whole time during training I couldn’t wait to be out of the house and answering to myself, but when the day finally came it was bittersweet. I knew I wouldn’t be seeing them for awhile. I chilled out on the porch with Landry for a bit and shot the breeze. Mefire finally woke up and I went with him to his office so he could grab his bag. His female co-worker said she wanted to be wife and go back to America with me. Damn this irresistible charm, it’s a blessing and a curse.

We rented out the Hotel New Palace in Bafia for our post-swearing in party before we would all depart for post the next morning. We drank, we laughed, and we danced. We had a “high school” superlatives form that most of us filled out before the party. Technically, I won Best Beard and Worst Dressed based solely on my selection of a tye dye polo as business casual. It’s like a mullet. It says I can be serious, but I also like to party. Okay, no one with a mullet actually gets taken serious, but I’m a tye-dye supporter and it’s got a collar so it counts. Everyone had to give an acceptance speech as well. Mine went something like this, “Screw you all, I look damn good.” For best beard we were trying to share the superlative wealth that night and a lot of people became infatuated with the seven red whiskers growing out of Preston’s chin so he took home the honor.

The next morning most of us did the zombie walk to the training house to make sure our stuff was getting packed on the right bus. We would later find out for some, it was not. The Hangover Breakfast Special in Cameroon: an Oreo from Danielle and a piece of chicken Christian’s mom had given him for his trip. Best stale Oreo I ever ate.

We said our goodbyes, gave some dap snaps (the Cameroonian handshake is a complex beast that I will introduce to all of you when I return), and were bouncing along on a bus in no time. I got a window seat and we actually travelled all the way to Yaounde with just Volunteers, a first for us. 

My travel plans were to stay at the case (a transit house for PC Volunteers passing through Yaounde) that night and head to Edea the next day. Hot showers and fast(er) Internet? I’m game. Unfortunately, I never did take a shower there because I had no idea where I had packed my towels. I actually only packed boxer briefs in my backpack so I was still wearing my PC paigne shirt and shorts from after swearing in. This continued the following day as well. 

Enough about my lack of cleanliness. That night a few of us staying at the case went to the Hilton Happy Hour and a pizza place. For about five hours it felt like I had taken a rocket ship back to a developed country. I mean, the Pizza Roma had a Playstation 3 and 3 flat screen TVs at this pizza place. Where the hell was I!? The only game was Soccer Euro Tour 2008, but I wasn’t bitchin. I would have played Space Invaders if that was our only choice. We had to teach them how to charge the controller since it was dead, but we got a little footie in as we devoured four pizzas. There weren’t the biggest pieces so four was necessary. Did I mention the scale at the case said I weigh 170 lbs now? If that thing is even fairly accurate, I’ve lost between 15-20 lbs. Not really sure where seeing as I still have my beer belly, but I’m not bitchin’. I don’t think I’ve weighed that since high school and was up to 200 lbs this past winter. I thank you Wii Fit for telling me to get my ass in gear.

So after a night at the case they woke us up and told us it was time to head out. My driver dropped me off at the bus station and helped me unload all my crap, including a bike. Luckily, the workers at the bus station watched my stuff for me while I waited in line for a half hour to buy my ticket. They said some kids kept coming around eyeing my goods so they kept a look out. Good people.

I managed to make it to Edea with all my stuff somehow. The bus dropped me off on the side of the road in Edea, sounds bad but that’s just how it goes here, and the driver helped me unload. I waited for my community host to show up and figure out a way to get all my stuff to my place. Meanwhile, a nice lady, Anne, across the street at a restaurant told me to bring my stuff over and put it under the roof because it was going to rain. She even waved over some Cameroonian kid to help me bring everything. I gave the kid 100 CEFA for the help and he just laughed and asked if I was American. Wait, you mean Cameroonian wasn’t your first guess? I also realized how hungry I was at this point and ordered the chicken dinner in tomato sauce with rice and a cold beer for my lunch/dinner. Pretty soon Mr. Djame and the director of my school, his last name starts with a T so how about Mr. T for now, showed up and I bought them a beer for bringing a car so I could transport everything to my apartment.

 The naked guy in the street happened today on my way to the bank. I was able to withdrawal the money I needed to buy some stuff for my apartment with the help of some friendly bank ladies. Also, I bought a bottle of gas so I can cook with my stovetop burner and am going back to get my USB Internet key tomorrow and hopefully able to post this little guy. Slowly but surely I am getting my place together. I need more surfaces to put all the stuff I have on. I scrubbed my bathroom with some Ajax pretty good. It’s still not the cleanest, but it’s a far cry from what it was when I got here. It will definitely need scrubbed better by the time Mama gets here, but I’ll have this place sparkling by then. I used the zebra duct tape that Ben, Britney and the kids had given me in my birthday survival kit to make a banner in my bathroom above the tile on the pink walls. My bathroom now looks like that of a thirteen year old girl.

The training chapter has been completed and now the official teaching chapter begins. No more model school, this is the real deal. I am comforted by the fact that I was able to carry on a conversation in French with some people outside of a guns and ammo store while I waited on the rain to die down. I am not comforted by the fact that I was standing outside of a guns and ammo store. 

Sad I wasn’t able to see Sinister Midget rock the Bratfest this year, but am really looking forward to checking out the pics and videos online when I get Internet here. I’ll miss the BF next year as well, but I’m pretty sure I will be home by Bratfest 2013 so get your party pants on by then people.

 Love and miss you all back home,

Max